More on New Year's Resolutions

New Year's resolution (noun) : 2. the subsistence of a pathological state (as inflammation)
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So how many have failed at their resolutions after a week? Uh huh. A writer at Psychology Today tells us that the reason people are unsuccessful at keeping resolutions is because we have an unconscious desire to keep things exactly as they are (and have the exact feelings that we do).

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-is-he-thinking/201101/why-new-years-resolutions-dont-work

Big pitch for psychoanalysis here, since the only solution presented is to examine the emotions we are avoiding by not changing.

But another solution is just to pick easier resolutions (ones that you already achieve or ones with words like, 'perhaps' and 'maybe'). This is the difference between a winner and a loser in this whole resolution thing-

Winner: I resolve to breathe regularly in the new year. Loser: I resolve to exercise regularly in the new year.
Winner: I resolve to perhaps help more people in the new year, maybe. Loser: I resolve to volunteer regularly in the new year.

Your choice.

Ambivalence - No!

ambivalence (verb) : 2. the state of being washy
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Perhaps a healthy level of ambivalence IS needed to simply get through life.

After all, we make decisions based on the information available. If the information somehow is flawed or if we aren't getting all the information because the government is plotting to prevent us from getting all the information through total control of the media, then it makes perfect sense to waiver or feel ambivalent about something, right?

Or maybe I'm thinking of a healthy level of paranoia.

Ambivalence - Yes!

ambivalence (verb) : 1. the state of being wishy
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What would we do without Wikipedia? How else would we learn words like, "analysand" (which means the person in analysis, although analysociopath might work better in some cases).

And where else would you find the definition of something actually embracing the thing being defined? On one hand, the wiki clearly defines ambivalence as being two conflicting and contradictory emotions to the same thing (like Hansel and Gretel loving and hating their weak, pathetic father); while on the other hand, it states that the mixed feelings may simply be a realistic assessment of the imperfect nature of the thing (ie, their father is indeed weak and pathetic and appropriately loved and hated).

Nothing ambivalent about that!

Shrinking away in NYC

psychoanalysis (noun) : confession without absolution
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As with any story, it opens with a random beginning. A dark and stormy night. A woman walking or sitting on a train or a bus, alone, not noticing or not caring about her surroundings. A look on her face like she wants to flee. Maybe a tear, a shudder or some other pained expression. Etc.

And so starts therapy.

The problem with starting therapy - the desperation surrounding the admission that things are not all right, the hopelessness with the situation at hand (usually life itself), the anger and frustration stemming from all the wrongs done by others against you as well as all those decisions made by you, the excessive drinking or drugging or other obliterating habit - is that you never think about the ending of therapy. Like any relationship, you don't think it will end. It's all about how it's going to work.

My ten-year anniversary with psychoanalysis is upon me and I realize that my therapist’s first child has begun and finished college (with a year abroad, mind you) during my tenure with him. The fact that I partially funded this is not lost on me, especially since I had to maximize student loans to fund my own education. Each year, I plan to end therapy and each year, I seem to listen to my therapist and stay with it for yet another issue to resolve. This year I have a child of my own to think about who will need money to spend abroad. (In therapy-speak, that would be my inner child. Alexander, move over - Australia, here I come!)

Therapy, or psychoanalysis or talk therapy as it's known, is supposed to teach you how to handle life/people/issues/emotions, in a more productive way. When does anyone reach a point where that handling goes well 100% of the time? Even therapists don't - it's not human! But the therapists won't say what percentage on average is good enough to end therapy because that means they don't do their jobs better than that percentage. In the end, that means that if the percentage or the feeling behind the percentage is good enough for you, then you're done.

And since I have gotten over 50% of my life/people/issues/emotions more productively handled after my decade “on the couch,” it's time to take my money and run. This blog represents my years with Dr. Freud's theories - I’m not sure it’s for everyone and I’m not sure it works, but I am sure that I’m not funding my therapist’s second child’s college education.