emotional detachment - part 2

emotional detachment (noun) : the very positive mental attitude of politely saying "fuck you" to the emotional needy and greedy people in your life
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It's called setting boundaries, yo.

This type of detachment allows you to be aware of your of empathetic feelings without simply acting on them. Basically, the awareness gives you the time and space to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings. So you can still feel empathy, but you no longer need to be the doormat.

And from one (hopefully) former enabler of sociopaths and narcissists, this is a good thing.

emotional detachment - part 1

emotional detachment (noun) : the ability to "check out" in the face of potential emotional connection, usually due to some psychological trauma
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Sometimes in order to survive some really bad shit, we learn to detach from the emotional reaction to it.

The skill (and for anyone who has ever daydreamed during a reprimand at school, this indeed is a skill) allows us to be physically present without being "entirely present". Think a couple of my favourite movies - 'Harvey' and 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,' and my favourite as yet unpublished screenplay, 'My Life With Derek Jeter' (which remains available for optioning!). Basically, these folks seem to be distracted or not paying full attention when faced with the possibility of an emotional response to an unpleasant situation.

Another version of this detachment manifests itself by the person appearing to be fully present, but operating only intellectually and rationally when an emotional connection would be most appropriate. This is where the person can't give you a hug when you're down, but instead tells you to "buck up." Or can't hold you when you're sobbing but simply pats you on the back. (I'm sure there are movie references for this too but they're not as fun!)

So what, you say?

Just an awareness check for those of you who are or know someone emotionally detached. (Mother's Day is coming up, you know.) And a little plug for a great screenplay.

Sociopath

sociopath (noun) : the biggest prick you didn’t realize you knew who causes great harm with no remorse or sense of responsibility; syn: my ex-husband
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Hot on the heels of narcissist comes the sociopath!

While not all narcissists are sociopaths, all sociopaths are indeed narcissists. And although the sociopath apparently suffers from what’s called, “antisocial personality disorder" (which apparently is NOT being eliminated next year from the DSM as a personality disorder), that’s no excuse for these jerks to get away with the crap that they do through their lies and manipulations and total disregard for the rights of others or consequences of their actions.

The most well-known category of sociopaths are serial killers/serial rapists, so the big question is why would anyone be involved with one of these creeps? Well, research has shown that the sociopath is usually a person with an abundance of charm and wit, someone who appears friendly and considerate and loving. So we are lulled into the relationship by these seemingly great attributes, unaware that these attributes are superficial and are used merely as a way of blinding us to the nasty personal agenda behind the sociopath’s behaviour.

So if you happen to lack feelings of sympathy, have no sense of remorse, and don’t feel guilt, then this is the disorder for you!

And why would you want to be cured when you can do anything you want without those feelings and still be considered charming and witty?

Narcissism

narcissism (noun) : a psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem; see also, narcissist (better known as my mother, my ex-husband, an inordinate number of my female friends)
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But enough about me!

The real news is that narcissistic personality disorder (characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and the need for constant attention) has been eliminated from the upcoming revision of the DSM.

see: www.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/health/views/30mind.html

Critics of course are concerned over how a treatment plan will be implemented if narcissism is removed as a personality disorder. Speaking from my own experience, I have yet to meet a narcissist who has changed, therapy or no therapy, and become less self-centered and more empathetic. So should we even care about them?

I think that since there's now room in the DSM for new personality disorders, how about one for those enabling all the narcissists out there? Because if therapy can help the enablers then the narcissists will be left to deal with each other, right?

And picking up on the whole 'daydream believer' melodyfest, maybe then the world will be a better place.