happy mother's day

From the funny folks @ the NYState Lottery

be afraid, be very afraid

psychopath (noun) : one with an anti-social personality disorder that is manifested in aggressive, perverted, criminal, or amoral behavior without empathy or remorse
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Here's a quick test for psychopathy! See if you, your partner, or your friends fit the bill!

For each of the 20 characteristics, give a score of 0 if it does not apply, 1 if it applies partially, and 2 if it is a perfect match.

1. Glib and Superficial Charm
The tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, slick, and verbally facile. Psychopathic charm is not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. A psychopath never gets tongue-tied. They have freed themselves from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.
2. Grandiose Self-Worth
A grossly inflated view of one's abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. Psychopaths are arrogant people who believe they are superior human beings.
3. Need for Stimulation or Proneness to Boredom
An excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Psychopaths often have a low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because they get bored easily. They fail to work at the same job for any length of time, for example, or to finish tasks that they consider dull or routine.
4. Pathological Lying
Can be moderate or high; in moderate form, they will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever; in extreme form, they will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest.
5. Cunning and Manipulativeness
The use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one's victims.
6. Lack of Remorse or Guilt
A lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one's victims.
7. Shallow Affect
Emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.
8. Callousness and Lack of Empathy
A lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.
9. Parasitic Lifestyle
An intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.
10. Poor Behavioral Controls
Expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.
11. Promiscuous Sexual Behavior
A variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.
12. Early Behavior Problems
A variety of behaviors prior to age 13, including lying, theft, cheating, vandalism, bullying, sexual activity, fire-setting, glue-sniffing, alcohol use, and running away from home.
13. Lack of Realistic, Long-Term Goals
An inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.
14. Impulsivity
The occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.
15. Irresponsibility
Repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.
16. Failure to Accept Responsibility for Own Actions
A failure to accept responsibility for one's actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.
17. Juvenile Delinquency
Behavior problems between the ages of 13-18; mostly behaviors that are crimes or clearly involve aspects of antagonism, exploitation, aggression, manipulation, or a callous, ruthless tough-mindedness.
18. Revocation of Condition Release
A revocation of probation or other conditional release due to technical violations, such as carelessness, low deliberation, or failing to appear.
19. Criminal Versatility
A diversity of types of criminal offenses, regardless if the person has been arrested or convicted for them; taking great pride at getting away with crimes.
20. Many Short-Term Relationships
A lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

0-5 = Whew!
5-20 = Get out or get help now!
20+ = If it's your score, run quickly to a psychiatrist; if it's someone you know, just run!

emotional detachment - part 2

emotional detachment (noun) : the very positive mental attitude of politely saying "fuck you" to the emotional needy and greedy people in your life
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It's called setting boundaries, yo.

This type of detachment allows you to be aware of your of empathetic feelings without simply acting on them. Basically, the awareness gives you the time and space to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings. So you can still feel empathy, but you no longer need to be the doormat.

And from one (hopefully) former enabler of sociopaths and narcissists, this is a good thing.

emotional detachment - part 1

emotional detachment (noun) : the ability to "check out" in the face of potential emotional connection, usually due to some psychological trauma
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Sometimes in order to survive some really bad shit, we learn to detach from the emotional reaction to it.

The skill (and for anyone who has ever daydreamed during a reprimand at school, this indeed is a skill) allows us to be physically present without being "entirely present". Think a couple of my favourite movies - 'Harvey' and 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,' and my favourite as yet unpublished screenplay, 'My Life With Derek Jeter' (which remains available for optioning!). Basically, these folks seem to be distracted or not paying full attention when faced with the possibility of an emotional response to an unpleasant situation.

Another version of this detachment manifests itself by the person appearing to be fully present, but operating only intellectually and rationally when an emotional connection would be most appropriate. This is where the person can't give you a hug when you're down, but instead tells you to "buck up." Or can't hold you when you're sobbing but simply pats you on the back. (I'm sure there are movie references for this too but they're not as fun!)

So what, you say?

Just an awareness check for those of you who are or know someone emotionally detached. (Mother's Day is coming up, you know.) And a little plug for a great screenplay.

more psychobabble

psychobabble (noun) : what you say about what your therapist says, as opposed to what he or she says
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A repeated definition for those readers who are paying attention, but one worth repeating.

Several people I know often come up with "great titles for books" but no idea for the book itself (nor the desire to actually write a book). One suggested a coffee table book of great book titles, which I think could be a best seller with the right visuals and synopses. Another idea - an autobiography that only lists chapter titles for each period of your life (provided you've led an interesting and long life).

The blog called, "Things White People Like" (which more accurately should be called, "Things White Men Like") is part of this "listing" genre of writing (and it seemed to get the writer money, a book, some press and a tour over a list of things that for any other group of people would have been deemed prejudicial, racist, sexist, or some other -ist and gotten the author sued or banned or fired from his job at Aflac). Apparently you can get away with anything as long as you target white males.

Anyway, since 'listing' things seems to be a popular form of writing, perhaps a list of psychobabble terms to throw around in your everyday conversations would be of use? Here are a few of my favourites (that may or may not be topics for future posts):

disregard for boundaries
secondary compensation
passive aggressive
nether reaches of pathology
psychic rubble of the past
disowned desire
comfortable silence
intervention
projection

Let me know if you care to share of few of your own!

welcome to my world

spiral down (verb) : to pursue a winding, downward course or a course that displays a twisting form or shape*
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Ah, the spiral down into depression. Not a lot of information on this as a technical term, but all the chirpy folks at Psychology Today indicate that the spiral could go up OR down. This is based on the theory of "social contagion", where one can change his or her mood by smiling or thinking happy thoughts and hanging out with those "turn that frown upside down" folks. (If you can find them.)

I'm not sure I buy the social contagion theory, since we're all responsible for our own feelings in the end: anything less and you're giving up power over your emotions, anything more and you're an Empath.**

But I guess it's better than the trip down the spiral.



*For the super observant, the 'my world' photo is looking up the staircase, isn't it?
** http://www.tv.com/star-trek/the-empath/episode/24950/summary.html

Dating Carl Jung

extrovert (noun) : the loud mouth next to you
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Well, Jung's theories officially have been highlighted by match.com in an article on "how to date an introvert," so perhaps he's not so very uninteresting.

See http://www.match.com/magazine/article.aspx?TrackingID=525061&BannerID=653997&ArticleID=12167