emotional detachment - part 2

emotional detachment (noun) : the very positive mental attitude of politely saying "fuck you" to the emotional needy and greedy people in your life
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It's called setting boundaries, yo.

This type of detachment allows you to be aware of your of empathetic feelings without simply acting on them. Basically, the awareness gives you the time and space to rationally choose whether or not to be overwhelmed or manipulated by such feelings. So you can still feel empathy, but you no longer need to be the doormat.

And from one (hopefully) former enabler of sociopaths and narcissists, this is a good thing.

emotional detachment - part 1

emotional detachment (noun) : the ability to "check out" in the face of potential emotional connection, usually due to some psychological trauma
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Sometimes in order to survive some really bad shit, we learn to detach from the emotional reaction to it.

The skill (and for anyone who has ever daydreamed during a reprimand at school, this indeed is a skill) allows us to be physically present without being "entirely present". Think a couple of my favourite movies - 'Harvey' and 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty,' and my favourite as yet unpublished screenplay, 'My Life With Derek Jeter' (which remains available for optioning!). Basically, these folks seem to be distracted or not paying full attention when faced with the possibility of an emotional response to an unpleasant situation.

Another version of this detachment manifests itself by the person appearing to be fully present, but operating only intellectually and rationally when an emotional connection would be most appropriate. This is where the person can't give you a hug when you're down, but instead tells you to "buck up." Or can't hold you when you're sobbing but simply pats you on the back. (I'm sure there are movie references for this too but they're not as fun!)

So what, you say?

Just an awareness check for those of you who are or know someone emotionally detached. (Mother's Day is coming up, you know.) And a little plug for a great screenplay.

more psychobabble

psychobabble (noun) : what you say about what your therapist says, as opposed to what he or she says
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A repeated definition for those readers who are paying attention, but one worth repeating.

Several people I know often come up with "great titles for books" but no idea for the book itself (nor the desire to actually write a book). One suggested a coffee table book of great book titles, which I think could be a best seller with the right visuals and synopses. Another idea - an autobiography that only lists chapter titles for each period of your life (provided you've led an interesting and long life).

The blog called, "Things White People Like" (which more accurately should be called, "Things White Men Like") is part of this "listing" genre of writing (and it seemed to get the writer money, a book, some press and a tour over a list of things that for any other group of people would have been deemed prejudicial, racist, sexist, or some other -ist and gotten the author sued or banned or fired from his job at Aflac). Apparently you can get away with anything as long as you target white males.

Anyway, since 'listing' things seems to be a popular form of writing, perhaps a list of psychobabble terms to throw around in your everyday conversations would be of use? Here are a few of my favourites (that may or may not be topics for future posts):

disregard for boundaries
secondary compensation
passive aggressive
nether reaches of pathology
psychic rubble of the past
disowned desire
comfortable silence
intervention
projection

Let me know if you care to share of few of your own!

welcome to my world

spiral down (verb) : to pursue a winding, downward course or a course that displays a twisting form or shape*
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Ah, the spiral down into depression. Not a lot of information on this as a technical term, but all the chirpy folks at Psychology Today indicate that the spiral could go up OR down. This is based on the theory of "social contagion", where one can change his or her mood by smiling or thinking happy thoughts and hanging out with those "turn that frown upside down" folks. (If you can find them.)

I'm not sure I buy the social contagion theory, since we're all responsible for our own feelings in the end: anything less and you're giving up power over your emotions, anything more and you're an Empath.**

But I guess it's better than the trip down the spiral.



*For the super observant, the 'my world' photo is looking up the staircase, isn't it?
** http://www.tv.com/star-trek/the-empath/episode/24950/summary.html

Dating Carl Jung

extrovert (noun) : the loud mouth next to you
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Well, Jung's theories officially have been highlighted by match.com in an article on "how to date an introvert," so perhaps he's not so very uninteresting.

See http://www.match.com/magazine/article.aspx?TrackingID=525061&BannerID=653997&ArticleID=12167