the great pumpkin strikes again

alter ego (noun) : what you dress up as on Halloween
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Happy Halloween!

what have you done with your hair?

passive aggressive (adjective) : a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation
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Passive aggressive behavior has always been a bit difficult for me to recognize. (Much like my ability to pronounce the word, "narcissist" - for years I called the flowers, 'Paperwhites' because I couldn't say the word correctly). Neither is a coincidence, believe me.

Sure, the definition might sound simple - a non-active form of anger such as pouting, passive obstructionism, chronic lateness, asking things like, "You're not going out like that, are you?", sulking, stubbornness, and intentional procrastination when these behaviors are motivated by the intent of irritating or getting back at another person - but there are sooooo many ways to indirectly express anger, and passive aggressive people are very, very good at this behavior.

The key now for me is to recognize when I'm triggered to feel aggressive or angry, and then examine what triggered me, whether it was someone's behavior, and what about that behavior did the trick.

Not easily done when you're angry, but practice makes perfect, right?

laughter [oddly] revisited

laughter (noun) : the experience or manifestation of mirth, amusement, scorn, or joy
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In doing a bit of follow-up research on laughter therapy, I discovered that a couple of years ago, a group of health professionals at the Edinburgh Centre of Health and Wellbeing "prescribed" comedy DVDs to patients with depression. The health workers even put on a stand-up comedy show in the Edinburgh Queens Hall which was filmed and the film later handed out to GP surgeries across the country.

The aim was to give people with depression an alternative to antidepressants.

http://www.scotsman.com/news/health_staff_prescribe_comedy_for_patients_with_depression_1_1222777

Funny thing (pun intended) - there is no follow up research reported on how this all worked out for the Centre's patients.

downward spiral revisited

debilitating depression (noun) : a mood disorder characterized by one's feelings of sadness, unhappiness and misery that interfere with one's ability to engage in normal daily activities
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Just in case anyone's forgotten about this dark cloud that lurks out there for so many! Go cheer someone up today!

disregard for boundaries

boundary (noun) : the line separating you from me
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In exploring the concept of setting boundaries for myself and of the disregard for boundaries, I realized that instead of looking at other people's actions around the disregard for boundaries, I'd be better off investigating my own.

Most definitions of this concept will describe when boundaries are crossed and will give advice on 'setting boundaries' so that other people don't cross them. But I think the real issue is setting your boundaries and then making sure that YOU don't cross them. Maybe I'm just a slow learner.

Take for example when you feel taken advantage of or taken for granted or resentful when you've been generous and another person hasn't reciprocated (or even been appreciative). Damn that person, right? Wrong! This isn't a sign that that person has disregarded your boundaries - it's a sign you've disregarded your own by going overboard in doing things for someone else.

Sometimes this happens with people at work and sometimes with people you love. Loads of good intentions: the job needs to get done, the person needs help, it's easier to do it yourself, you want to satisfy a loved one's needs. Also a few not so good intentions: you are the only one who can do it correctly, you want to maintain control over the work or the person, you don't want to feel guilty or hurtful to a loved one.

So rather than blame those other people or feel sorry for yourself because 'the investment didn't pay off', it's time to recognize when you are crossing those lines you set and step back and think of what you're doing and why you're doing it before doing something that might be considered 'overboard'.

Wish me luck!

brains vs. beauty

insight (noun) : in psychiatry, one's awareness and understanding of the origins and meaning of one's attitudes, feelings, and behavior, and of one's disturbing symptoms
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An old friend once asked me if I could choose either to be a genius but very physically ugly (hideous even), or dumb-as-a-doornail but very physically beautiful, which would I choose? (You have to ignore all the politically correct talk around "what is beautiful" and go with the looks on the front covers of magazines on this one.)

Easy answer, right? Beautiful but incredibly stupid. Why? I'd be so stupid that I wouldn't know how dumb I was (and wouldn't care), and I'd be so beautiful that everything would be taken care of for me. Beauty beats brains in this world. (Especially for a woman, but that's another blog post).

And what makes it worse for the geniuses is that they know this to be true. They understand that they are brilliant and that it doesn't matter, because the beautiful stupid people will make just as much money doing much less work (if they have to work at all). The beautiful and stupid people are blissful in their ignorance and live longer, happier lives. The super smart and ugly people are tormented in their knowledge and die young, often at their own hands.

Meaning that sometimes, insight isn't much fun.

let's get naked

online (adj) : controlled by or connected to another computer or to a network; (adv) : while so connected or under computer control
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Despite the apparent connection to the computer and not an individual, online therapy has become more mainstream.
(See http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/fashion/therapists-are-seeing-patients-online.html?_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha26)

So how does a therapist distinguish him or herself from others online? Sarah White does so by getting naked. She strips during the online session until she is nude, claiming that it helps to free inhibitions, especially sexual inhibitions.

Without debating this 24-year old's theory around stripping off her clothes so that her (predominantly middle aged male clients) 'strip down' to deeper emotions, one can only wonder whether she would have any business if she wasn't a hot young babe. I mean, do you think that world renowned sex therapist Dr. Ruth Westheimer doing naked therapy elicits the same interest?