disregard for boundaries

boundary (noun) : the line separating you from me
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In exploring the concept of setting boundaries for myself and of the disregard for boundaries, I realized that instead of looking at other people's actions around the disregard for boundaries, I'd be better off investigating my own.

Most definitions of this concept will describe when boundaries are crossed and will give advice on 'setting boundaries' so that other people don't cross them. But I think the real issue is setting your boundaries and then making sure that YOU don't cross them. Maybe I'm just a slow learner.

Take for example when you feel taken advantage of or taken for granted or resentful when you've been generous and another person hasn't reciprocated (or even been appreciative). Damn that person, right? Wrong! This isn't a sign that that person has disregarded your boundaries - it's a sign you've disregarded your own by going overboard in doing things for someone else.

Sometimes this happens with people at work and sometimes with people you love. Loads of good intentions: the job needs to get done, the person needs help, it's easier to do it yourself, you want to satisfy a loved one's needs. Also a few not so good intentions: you are the only one who can do it correctly, you want to maintain control over the work or the person, you don't want to feel guilty or hurtful to a loved one.

So rather than blame those other people or feel sorry for yourself because 'the investment didn't pay off', it's time to recognize when you are crossing those lines you set and step back and think of what you're doing and why you're doing it before doing something that might be considered 'overboard'.

Wish me luck!