Ambivalence - Yes!

ambivalence (verb) : 1. the state of being wishy
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What would we do without Wikipedia? How else would we learn words like, "analysand" (which means the person in analysis, although analysociopath might work better in some cases).

And where else would you find the definition of something actually embracing the thing being defined? On one hand, the wiki clearly defines ambivalence as being two conflicting and contradictory emotions to the same thing (like Hansel and Gretel loving and hating their weak, pathetic father); while on the other hand, it states that the mixed feelings may simply be a realistic assessment of the imperfect nature of the thing (ie, their father is indeed weak and pathetic and appropriately loved and hated).

Nothing ambivalent about that!

Reparenting - part 2

reparenting (verb) : 2. the act of telling one's parents that they sucked
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Apparently the need for reparenting isn’t new. Look at the fairy tales – Cinderella (her father remarries horrible woman who later mistreats his daughter and he doesn't notice), Hansel & Gretel (their father abandons them in the woods at direction of their mother), Rapunzel (her parents give her up to the witch next door out of fear) – all those kids had rough childhoods and were in need of reparenting.

But they don't ever get that, do they? They may seem to get the 'happily ever after' at the end of the story, but we don't know what happens after that. Do you think Cinderella spent much time after her wedding being nice to her mean stepmother? How long do you think that Hansel and Gretel went before they began to resent their father for what he did and that they gave him all their riches when they escaped and made their way home? Ever wonder whether Rapunzel searched for her birth parents? We don't get hear the end of those stories.

There are many proponents of reparenting but it does make you wonder whether it really works. I'm not sure why Lance Armstrong has embraced this, but I see that his website promotes reparenting as well as a 'Self Esteem Seekers Anonymous Program Manual.'

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14706-re-parenting/

Since I had incorrectly assumed that self-help books had cornered the self esteem market, look for my 'Reparenting Through Fairy Tales Self Help Manual' next summer! I'm hoping it will help defray the costs of my therapy over these past ten years.

Reparenting - part 1

reparenting (verb) : 1. the act of rewriting one's own history and experiencing different mistakes than those one's parents made (see also, "Family of Choice")
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I don’t know anyone who had a happy childhood.

Those people that talk about the wide open spaces and the freedom to roam and play unsupervised when they were growing up neglect to mention that their father never showed up for their soccer games or that their mother got drunk in the middle of the day (not that there's anything wrong with that, except when she packs you and your cousins into a car and drives down a highway going the wrong way).

see - http://celebrifi.com/gossip/Diane-Schuler-Photo-Taconic-Crash-Drunk-Mom-710989.html

(For those of you wondering, 'denial' will be another blog entry.)

Even parents now raising their children don't seem to notice that they are contributing to unhappy childhoods. When those kids can't go out and play without a formal 'play date' or go anywhere without turning on the GPS on their mobile telephones for parental tracking, the modern parent simply chalks it up to the times in which we live. No wonder therapists thrive.

I'm not sure that there is such a thing as a happy childhood. Perhaps all children need reparenting when they become adults, much in the way that Eric Schmidt of Google says they need new names and identities upon adulthood - each of us recreating ourselves when we turn 25. (BTW, since when did 25 become the new age for reaching adulthood?).

Maybe this would eliminate the need for therapy since this time around, we would be breastfed, born first, and not named after a piece of fruit.

Shrinking away in NYC

psychoanalysis (noun) : confession without absolution
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As with any story, it opens with a random beginning. A dark and stormy night. A woman walking or sitting on a train or a bus, alone, not noticing or not caring about her surroundings. A look on her face like she wants to flee. Maybe a tear, a shudder or some other pained expression. Etc.

And so starts therapy.

The problem with starting therapy - the desperation surrounding the admission that things are not all right, the hopelessness with the situation at hand (usually life itself), the anger and frustration stemming from all the wrongs done by others against you as well as all those decisions made by you, the excessive drinking or drugging or other obliterating habit - is that you never think about the ending of therapy. Like any relationship, you don't think it will end. It's all about how it's going to work.

My ten-year anniversary with psychoanalysis is upon me and I realize that my therapist’s first child has begun and finished college (with a year abroad, mind you) during my tenure with him. The fact that I partially funded this is not lost on me, especially since I had to maximize student loans to fund my own education. Each year, I plan to end therapy and each year, I seem to listen to my therapist and stay with it for yet another issue to resolve. This year I have a child of my own to think about who will need money to spend abroad. (In therapy-speak, that would be my inner child. Alexander, move over - Australia, here I come!)

Therapy, or psychoanalysis or talk therapy as it's known, is supposed to teach you how to handle life/people/issues/emotions, in a more productive way. When does anyone reach a point where that handling goes well 100% of the time? Even therapists don't - it's not human! But the therapists won't say what percentage on average is good enough to end therapy because that means they don't do their jobs better than that percentage. In the end, that means that if the percentage or the feeling behind the percentage is good enough for you, then you're done.

And since I have gotten over 50% of my life/people/issues/emotions more productively handled after my decade “on the couch,” it's time to take my money and run. This blog represents my years with Dr. Freud's theories - I’m not sure it’s for everyone and I’m not sure it works, but I am sure that I’m not funding my therapist’s second child’s college education.