The Alter Ego

alter ego (noun) : the pretend part of one's psyche
__________________________________________________________________

Several friends of mine each have a few different personae that emerge when the situation calls for a new personality. It's hard to keep track of these people, their likes/dislikes, gender, age, etc. It's hard enough to keep track of my friends' own likes/dislikes, so bringing these other personalities into the mix becomes confusing. I liken it to my creation of characters in my stories - they do gain a life of their own and sometimes can crowd your head. But my characters are simply that. I don't pretend I'm them when I'm out having a drink.

Why do people create a second (or third or fourth) self? I see it helping on a job interview, or when you're waiting tables (because who really wants to serve obnoxious, demanding people, day in and day out, with a smile and the hope of a decent tip so that the bills can be paid). But on a daily basis?

I think creating "alters" (as it's called, at least on "The United States of Tara") represents a dissatisfaction of one's real personality, a kind of rejection of the ego. But my friends disagree. They love their varied personalities and enjoy having instant comrades whom they not only know intimately, but get to control.

Imagine what these folks could do if they concentrated on the one personality.

The Super Ego

super ego (noun) : the part of one's psyche that is fitted with a cape and a complex
________________________________________________________________

Don't be fooled - in therapy, you really don't speak in terms of id, ego and super ego. These represent terms that the analyst knows and understands but rarely uses with the analysand (you). Instead, in therapy you talk about your feelings (after first actually letting yourself have those feelings) and it's the feelings that are associated with these terms.

So the poor, mis-named super ego really represents guilt. Nothing super about it. Sure, it may keep us all (or those of us who are not socio- or psychopaths) on the correct path within society's requirements, but it does so at a cost.

Freud apparently associated it with fathers, which is a bit confusing, since most guilt inevitably comes from mothers. But that's Freud for you. Not that he's kind to mothers; he associates them with feelings of fear (and mostly fear of castration). A bit too much in the way of 'feelings' for this post.

The Ego

ego (noun) : part of one's psyche that realizes there is an outside world is full of idiots; see also: id
_________________________________________________________________

The ego gets a bad rap because of people like Donald Trump.

When in fact, the ego keeps us in check. It's not the ego existing on immediate self-gratification (see my last post), and it's not the ego existing on guilt. The problem with the ego is that the world is a tough place in which to mediate one's own existence with everyone else's existence.

That doesn't mean those whiners in my old group therapy sessions were right about the world (and it doesn't matter). It means that when trying to negotiate life in a world filled with other people who, for the most part, aren't aware of their own issues or the problems those issues cause for them or others, it takes a strong ego to get through it. And a strong ego is tough to develop when all that self awareness is lacking in those other people.

Which brings us right back to those unaware people who raised us, doesn't it? (I warned you that it always comes back to the parents.)