resistance

resistance (noun) : the phenomena that analysands will keep hidden aspects of themselves from the therapist in order to defend against worse feelings (aka the reason why therapy takes so long)
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We’ve all either been there or know someone there – holding onto something or someone that keeps us stuck in an unhealthy situation. And somehow the fear of NOT having that to hold onto, and the comfort of the known (albeit unhealthy), blocks movement from it. This “gain from illness” theory apparently is only one of five types of resistance, according to Freud.

BTW, did you know that our friend Dr Freud is all the rage in China? http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/10/AR2010101004051.html

The other forms may be less clear as “resistance” but make a bit of sense if you associate them with folks you know. Like the person who misdirects anger or responsibility onto someone or something else – their friends, their therapist, their boss. This is the “transference” type of resistance. Outside of the therapist office, this usually results in the eventual loss of friends and jobs. (Blaming your mother doesn’t count here, because that’s truth as opposed to transference.)

Or perhaps you’ve encountered someone who doesn’t get angry or upset (or feel much of anything). This is the “repression” type of resistance and is a particularly fun one because it results in passive aggressive behaviour, always is a treasured experience.

Another form is the “repetition compulsion” type of resistance. You know, that person who keeps doing the same thing hoping that the result will change and who appears surprised when it doesn’t? Again, outside the therapist’s office (and maybe inside it if you don’t face your therapist during the session), this usually results in the rolling of eyes and the thought of ‘duh!’

And Freud's last form of resistance (apparently stemming from guilt) - “self sabotage”, the form that makes us cringe whether inside or outside the therapist’s office. When conducted outside of it, there will be immediate bad consequences, like contracting a disease; when conducted inside of it, it's almost the same - there will be years of more therapy.

The Super Ego

super ego (noun) : the part of one's psyche that is fitted with a cape and a complex
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Don't be fooled - in therapy, you really don't speak in terms of id, ego and super ego. These represent terms that the analyst knows and understands but rarely uses with the analysand (you). Instead, in therapy you talk about your feelings (after first actually letting yourself have those feelings) and it's the feelings that are associated with these terms.

So the poor, mis-named super ego really represents guilt. Nothing super about it. Sure, it may keep us all (or those of us who are not socio- or psychopaths) on the correct path within society's requirements, but it does so at a cost.

Freud apparently associated it with fathers, which is a bit confusing, since most guilt inevitably comes from mothers. But that's Freud for you. Not that he's kind to mothers; he associates them with feelings of fear (and mostly fear of castration). A bit too much in the way of 'feelings' for this post.

The Ego

ego (noun) : part of one's psyche that realizes there is an outside world is full of idiots; see also: id
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The ego gets a bad rap because of people like Donald Trump.

When in fact, the ego keeps us in check. It's not the ego existing on immediate self-gratification (see my last post), and it's not the ego existing on guilt. The problem with the ego is that the world is a tough place in which to mediate one's own existence with everyone else's existence.

That doesn't mean those whiners in my old group therapy sessions were right about the world (and it doesn't matter). It means that when trying to negotiate life in a world filled with other people who, for the most part, aren't aware of their own issues or the problems those issues cause for them or others, it takes a strong ego to get through it. And a strong ego is tough to develop when all that self awareness is lacking in those other people.

Which brings us right back to those unaware people who raised us, doesn't it? (I warned you that it always comes back to the parents.)

The Id

id (noun) : 1. part of the psyche that acts on pleasure and immediate gratification; 2. short for idiot
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Many times self-examination isn't a pleasant journey. If we're honest, we usually discover that we aren't such nice people after all. And we don't get to blame even half of our unpleasantness on our parents, unfortunately. (I've tried, believe me.)

I've been in group therapy where some members of the group never came to that realization. They believed (perhaps still do) that everyone else is mean to them, resentful and jealous of them, and bitter towards them. All about other people's faults and not so much about their own.

Perhaps it's true that others were resentful, jealous and bitter (or maybe that's just how I felt about them). But that doesn't mean that they weren't assholes hell-bent on succumbing to their urges and blaming other people for it. Like most of us.