if you can't lick 'em, join 'em (part 1)

joining technique (noun) : the idea that one "joins" the experience of another's misguided/misplaced emotions (ie, not an expression of their true feelings) rather than respond with a reaction to those misguided/misplaced emotions
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Apparently this technique of modern analysis (developed by Dr Hyman Spotnitz), assists the analyst in helping analysands previously thought to be beyond help. Meaning that the analyst agrees with the analysand when the individual expresses his/her feelings, even when the analysand actually is resisting his/her true feelings.

http://modernpsychoanalysis.blogspot.com/2008/06/clinical-techniques-4-joining.html

So when a female patient says she keeps falling for the unavailable guys and getting hurt and expresses a feeling of anger towards the guys (who don't necessarily say that they are unavailable), or even anger towards the therapist for not helping her choose better men, the therapist "joins" her feelings and agrees with her by saying things like, "I understand that you would feel that way, and I'm sorry that happened for you" instead of reacting defensively to the misguided feelings that the patient is having.

Because most likely deep down in some repressed place, the woman feels unworthy of a good guy. And there's no way that the therapist (or any friend for that matter) is going to get that woman to stop repressing simply by pointing it out or reacting to the misguided/misplace feelings that replace the repressed feeling.

Head spinning a bit? It gets worse in part 2.

the end of resistance

gain from illness (noun) : the most convenient solution when one has a mental conflict
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For the neurotic (and hey, who among us has not been one at some point), getting or staying ill helps to avoid an unsatisfactory reality.

Translated, this means that you can't stay on a diet because being fat gives you reason for why you're not in a relationship. And if you lose the weight, you might discover another (far worse) reason for being unloved (like you're an asshole or something). (You can substitute "being fat" and "losing the weight" for a number of things, like "getting drunk" and "going on the wagon" or "taking drugs" and "getting clean". You get the idea.)

Freud would say that this type of resistance is a form of self-defense in the struggle to survive. Others call it a feeble excuse.

So put down the cookie and walk to your therapist's office for a session!

self sabotage + anger = [insert name here]

a picture speaks 1000 words for this form of resistance

self sabotage (verb) :

repetition compulsion

repetition compulsion (noun) : one's unconscious tendency to repeat traumatic events in order to deal with them; one's unconscious tendency to repeat traumatic events in order to deal with them; one's unconscious tendency to repeat traumatic events in order to deal with them; one's unconscious tenden
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This form of resistance apparently can take the form of dreams, storytelling, or hallucinations, and is closely tied up with the scarier concept of what's called, the "death drive" (which calls to mind that Long Island mother's drive going the wrong way on the New York Taconic Parkway in 2009). See http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,536742,00.html
and my earlier promise of a post on denial.

But I digress.

Simply put, this is a coping mechanism where one apparently repeats trauma in the unconscious, and allow the conscious mind to remain ignorant of it. Kind of neat, IMO, but unless you want to keep having those nightmares or keep dating those same losers, it gets in the way.

repression depression

repression (noun) : in psychology, where the unconscious kicks the shit out of the conscious mind to make it forget painful feelings, impulses, or desires
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Freud believed that repression is caused when an external force puts itself in contrast with an individual's desire or feeling or impulse, threatening to cause suffering if the desire or feeling or impulse is satisfied, thereby posing a conflict for the individual; the repressive response to the threat is to exclude the desire or feeling or impulse from one's consciousness and hold or subdue it in the unconscious.

Got that?

Basically, your unconscious uses repression as a defense mechanism and protects you from having that bad experience again, and you don't even know it. So you simply deny that you have that feeling (or desire or impulse) when you actually have (unknowingly) repressed it. And of course, in most cases it's going to be the parents who represent the threat of suffering thereby causing the conflict and the resulting repression.

But you knew I was going to say that.

transfer what?

transference (noun) : in psychoanalysis, the path of least resistance
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In delving into Freud’s five types of resistance, transference seems the most innocuous. It occurs when the analysand unconsciously shifts emotions associated with one person (yes, parents always are a good choice here) to another person, especially to the analyst.

The thing is, transference is a big part of therapy and gives your therapist tons of information about what you actually feel even if you're not aware of it. Nothing wrong with that!

But I’m thinking that Freud bucketed it with other forms of resistance because unless and until you recognize what you’re doing, you are resisting feeling the actual feeling (anger, for example) and you are resisting associating the feeling with the right person (who probably is your mother).

And of course, when done outside of therapy (or “off the couch” as I like to say), the result often is a misdirected, overly excessive expression of emotion that leads to dangerous consequences, especially in Las Vegas. (Think Brittany Spears and her quickie wedding or Mike Tyson’s bites of Evandor Holyfield’s ears.)

resistance

resistance (noun) : the phenomena that analysands will keep hidden aspects of themselves from the therapist in order to defend against worse feelings (aka the reason why therapy takes so long)
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We’ve all either been there or know someone there – holding onto something or someone that keeps us stuck in an unhealthy situation. And somehow the fear of NOT having that to hold onto, and the comfort of the known (albeit unhealthy), blocks movement from it. This “gain from illness” theory apparently is only one of five types of resistance, according to Freud.

BTW, did you know that our friend Dr Freud is all the rage in China? http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/10/AR2010101004051.html

The other forms may be less clear as “resistance” but make a bit of sense if you associate them with folks you know. Like the person who misdirects anger or responsibility onto someone or something else – their friends, their therapist, their boss. This is the “transference” type of resistance. Outside of the therapist office, this usually results in the eventual loss of friends and jobs. (Blaming your mother doesn’t count here, because that’s truth as opposed to transference.)

Or perhaps you’ve encountered someone who doesn’t get angry or upset (or feel much of anything). This is the “repression” type of resistance and is a particularly fun one because it results in passive aggressive behaviour, always is a treasured experience.

Another form is the “repetition compulsion” type of resistance. You know, that person who keeps doing the same thing hoping that the result will change and who appears surprised when it doesn’t? Again, outside the therapist’s office (and maybe inside it if you don’t face your therapist during the session), this usually results in the rolling of eyes and the thought of ‘duh!’

And Freud's last form of resistance (apparently stemming from guilt) - “self sabotage”, the form that makes us cringe whether inside or outside the therapist’s office. When conducted outside of it, there will be immediate bad consequences, like contracting a disease; when conducted inside of it, it's almost the same - there will be years of more therapy.