Holiday Disorders Continued

post christmas stress disorder (noun) : the inability to get over the fact that christmas is one day a year (and is over, dude); not to be confused with the more understandable post christmas debt stress disorder
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Typically characterized by one or more of the following symptoms:
(1) leaves decorations up past new year's day
(2) makes christmas-gift requests year round
(3) purchases christmas decorations/cards/wrapping paper/gifts on the day immediately following christmas
(4) carries around mistletoe to randomly place over heads of others with the hope of getting a kiss
(5) hugs/kisses others with holiday greetings well into January

We all know someone who suffers. Please remember it's a disorder and the person simply needs help. A bit of slushy, dirty snow slopped onto them by a passing car is known to snap them out of it.

A Cynic's Holiday Wish

christmas (noun) : a time when each of us gets to reflect upon what we each most deeply and sincerely believe in: money
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Just half kidding you guys! Happy Holidays!

Another Holiday Phobia

angoraphobia (noun) : the chronic fear that cousin Harriet from Omaha sent you another homemade gift for christmas
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I know we all dread that gift.




Today's definition comes with thanks to Bruce Kluger in a 2003 holiday article in Psychology Today.

Disordered Holiday Spirits

North-Polar Disorder (noun) : the chronic fear that someone is on the roof
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(And doing who-knows-what up there)!




Today's definition comes with thanks to Bruce Kluger in a 2003 holiday article in Psychology Today.

Ho Ho Phobia

Ho-Ho-Phobia (noun) : a profound fear of rotund, bearded men in red suits and black boots that surfaces earlier and earlier each year as sufferers begin to report frequent sightings of their most feared apparition on street corners, in shop windows and especially on the second Saturday of December when "Santacon" occurs and thousands are found running from bar to bar drinking in cities across the globe
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Today's definition comes with thanks to Bruce Kluger in a 2003 holiday article in Psychology Today(!).

I guess even therapists have a sense of humour at times.

Great Psychologists

Maybe it's just me, but when I see a father (Sigmund Freud), daughter (Anna Freud) and old guy (Carl Jung) arm-in-arm and advertised for sale as finger puppets with a couch, all sorts of psychological references come up. And not necessarily anything about which I want to think or blog.

I'll just leave it at that.

Sociopath

sociopath (noun) : the biggest prick you didn’t realize you knew who causes great harm with no remorse or sense of responsibility; syn: my ex-husband
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Hot on the heels of narcissist comes the sociopath!

While not all narcissists are sociopaths, all sociopaths are indeed narcissists. And although the sociopath apparently suffers from what’s called, “antisocial personality disorder" (which apparently is NOT being eliminated next year from the DSM as a personality disorder), that’s no excuse for these jerks to get away with the crap that they do through their lies and manipulations and total disregard for the rights of others or consequences of their actions.

The most well-known category of sociopaths are serial killers/serial rapists, so the big question is why would anyone be involved with one of these creeps? Well, research has shown that the sociopath is usually a person with an abundance of charm and wit, someone who appears friendly and considerate and loving. So we are lulled into the relationship by these seemingly great attributes, unaware that these attributes are superficial and are used merely as a way of blinding us to the nasty personal agenda behind the sociopath’s behaviour.

So if you happen to lack feelings of sympathy, have no sense of remorse, and don’t feel guilt, then this is the disorder for you!

And why would you want to be cured when you can do anything you want without those feelings and still be considered charming and witty?

Narcissism

narcissism (noun) : a psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem; see also, narcissist (better known as my mother, my ex-husband, an inordinate number of my female friends)
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But enough about me!

The real news is that narcissistic personality disorder (characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance and the need for constant attention) has been eliminated from the upcoming revision of the DSM.

see: www.nytimes.com/2010/11/30/health/views/30mind.html

Critics of course are concerned over how a treatment plan will be implemented if narcissism is removed as a personality disorder. Speaking from my own experience, I have yet to meet a narcissist who has changed, therapy or no therapy, and become less self-centered and more empathetic. So should we even care about them?

I think that since there's now room in the DSM for new personality disorders, how about one for those enabling all the narcissists out there? Because if therapy can help the enablers then the narcissists will be left to deal with each other, right?

And picking up on the whole 'daydream believer' melodyfest, maybe then the world will be a better place.

Daydream

daydream (noun) : the 24-hour period available for musing about the fulfillment of wishes rather than working on fulfilling them
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A daydream is a type of imagining, but when the dreamer begins to confuse the dreams with reality, it's called hallucinating. Which is why, I suppose, psychologists in the 1960s provided strategies to combat daydreams similar to those used in combating drug use. And Dr. Freud believed that only unfulfilled people created fantasies and that daydreaming was an early sign of mental illness.

Thankfully, by the late 1980s, psychologists considered daydreams a natural component of the mental process. Thus we dreamers are saved - at least this time - from the label "mental illness."

In daydreams, we form a mental image of a past experience or of a situation that we haven't actually experienced to escape from reality temporarily or to overcome a frustrating situation or to satisfy a hidden wish. My particular favourite (and I don't think I'm alone here) is the one about me winning the lottery. Daydreaming usually isn't harmful, unless it interferes with daily living. That means I can fantasize about what I'd do with my vast winnings as long as I continue to work.

And, as Shakespeare points out, there's the rub for all of us daydream believers.

DSM

DSM (noun) : 1. Distinguished Service Medal given to those mental health professionals who diagnose mental disorders; 2. the non-religious 'good book' referencing those mental disorders
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Apparently, the clinical usefulness of the DSM is more than a tool for making diagnoses - it´s a guide for communicating about mental health conditions. So when two clinicians discuss a diagnosis such as "major depressive disorder, single episode, severe with psychotic features," they both have the same visualization of the illness.

Categorizing conditions or disorders that people have helps with avoiding labels and further conditions. That means that while I may have suffered with depression, I was never a manic (or other kind of) depressive and therefore was able to eliminate or cure the depression with the help of my therapist (who, by the way, has been bugging me to say something nice about him in this blog; consider it done, dude). As with most therapy-like items, there are others who value the label because it may provide a sense of control over the illness as more can be learned about its treatment, causes, and outcome. With depression, I´m not convinced that this is true since the outcome of it as an illness usually is not good.

But look for that in MORE depression posts - coming soon to a blog near you!

People Pleasing Syndrome

people pleasing syndrome (noun) : the effort one goes through merely to become a doormat
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Disclaimer: "People Pleasing Syndrome" is not something that either I or my therapist could claim I have (or even have knowledge of). I'm sure that he would say I'm more likely to have "People Pissing Off Syndrome" and he wouldn't be entirely wrong there. But that's another blog posting.

I wasn't even sure that this was a psychological disorder until I saw that it already had been published as such in more than several books such as:

- The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome

- Too Nice for Your Own Good: How to Stop Making 9 Self-Sabotaging Mistakes

- When I Say No, I Feel Guilty: How to Cope, Using the Skills of Systematic Assertive Therapy

Background: I've been away this month and have had sporadic access to the Internet; hence my lack of October posts. Despite being away, the only comments I've had to the blog were somewhat negative. One person asking about my "missing voice" and another looking for something a bit more cheery.

Post: Rather than risk needing more therapy in trying to please my apparently very small readership base, I'm going to stick with what I've got and improve upon that. As for a response to my small but vocal readers, that will be in the aforementioned "People Pissing Off" post!

Depression - part 2

reality (noun) : the thing for people who can't handle drugs
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So says Lily Tomlin, anyway.

Depression

anti-depressant (noun) : the pill that keeps one optimistic about one's life
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Of course, after common unhappiness comes depression. Some embrace it alone, simply as a fact of life; others drag everyone around down with them as a part of life.

Freud believed that depression involved loss and the guilt and self-criticism related to that loss, but that doesn't explain all types and forms of depression. (And since his goal was simply "common unhappiness" - a concept depressing in itself - I'm not sure how much weight I give to this.)

Speaking of depressing, I read a great quote about the unexamined life - although it might not be worth living, the examination itself might take the place of living.

Now if that's not enough to stop therapy, I don't know what is.

Common Unhappiness - part 2

common unhappiness (noun) : 1. ordinary sadness, as opposed to hysterical misery; 2. an acceptable level of misery; see also, Dante's first rung of hell
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According to Dr. Freud there is an acceptable level of unhappiness for humans. I think this is a therapist's way of justifying his/her inability to really "cure" someone through talk therapy. This idea goes back to my earliest posting and the reasons for ending my own therapy.

But Freud's assessment is a brilliant business model for psychotherapy. Like the elected official who says there is an "acceptable level of corruption" in politics or the oilman who says there is an "acceptable level of pollution" in drilling, this self-serving explanation prevents the examination (and therefore the possibility) of eliminating unhappiness by making it part of our DNA.

No wonder people drink!

Common Unhappiness

common unhappiness (noun) : 1. ordinary sadness, as opposed to hysterical misery; 2. an acceptable level of misery; see also, Dante's first rung of hell
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The bluestraveler is on jury duty this week.

The misery of this experience most likely stems from the destruction of a once deeply held belief in justice and the judicial system. Much in the same way that I lost the belief that my parents actually knew what they were doing as parents, the judicial system now simply frightens me with its raised fist coming down on my head. And rightly so, since that system, like my parents did, has the power to take away my freedom.

I sometimes wonder why I didn't lose my faith in the system at the same time I began to distrust my parents. Maybe that fist didn't beat sense into my head like my mother said it would.

Anyway, back to jury duty.

The Alter Ego

alter ego (noun) : the pretend part of one's psyche
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Several friends of mine each have a few different personae that emerge when the situation calls for a new personality. It's hard to keep track of these people, their likes/dislikes, gender, age, etc. It's hard enough to keep track of my friends' own likes/dislikes, so bringing these other personalities into the mix becomes confusing. I liken it to my creation of characters in my stories - they do gain a life of their own and sometimes can crowd your head. But my characters are simply that. I don't pretend I'm them when I'm out having a drink.

Why do people create a second (or third or fourth) self? I see it helping on a job interview, or when you're waiting tables (because who really wants to serve obnoxious, demanding people, day in and day out, with a smile and the hope of a decent tip so that the bills can be paid). But on a daily basis?

I think creating "alters" (as it's called, at least on "The United States of Tara") represents a dissatisfaction of one's real personality, a kind of rejection of the ego. But my friends disagree. They love their varied personalities and enjoy having instant comrades whom they not only know intimately, but get to control.

Imagine what these folks could do if they concentrated on the one personality.

The Super Ego

super ego (noun) : the part of one's psyche that is fitted with a cape and a complex
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Don't be fooled - in therapy, you really don't speak in terms of id, ego and super ego. These represent terms that the analyst knows and understands but rarely uses with the analysand (you). Instead, in therapy you talk about your feelings (after first actually letting yourself have those feelings) and it's the feelings that are associated with these terms.

So the poor, mis-named super ego really represents guilt. Nothing super about it. Sure, it may keep us all (or those of us who are not socio- or psychopaths) on the correct path within society's requirements, but it does so at a cost.

Freud apparently associated it with fathers, which is a bit confusing, since most guilt inevitably comes from mothers. But that's Freud for you. Not that he's kind to mothers; he associates them with feelings of fear (and mostly fear of castration). A bit too much in the way of 'feelings' for this post.

The Ego

ego (noun) : part of one's psyche that realizes there is an outside world is full of idiots; see also: id
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The ego gets a bad rap because of people like Donald Trump.

When in fact, the ego keeps us in check. It's not the ego existing on immediate self-gratification (see my last post), and it's not the ego existing on guilt. The problem with the ego is that the world is a tough place in which to mediate one's own existence with everyone else's existence.

That doesn't mean those whiners in my old group therapy sessions were right about the world (and it doesn't matter). It means that when trying to negotiate life in a world filled with other people who, for the most part, aren't aware of their own issues or the problems those issues cause for them or others, it takes a strong ego to get through it. And a strong ego is tough to develop when all that self awareness is lacking in those other people.

Which brings us right back to those unaware people who raised us, doesn't it? (I warned you that it always comes back to the parents.)

The Id

id (noun) : 1. part of the psyche that acts on pleasure and immediate gratification; 2. short for idiot
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Many times self-examination isn't a pleasant journey. If we're honest, we usually discover that we aren't such nice people after all. And we don't get to blame even half of our unpleasantness on our parents, unfortunately. (I've tried, believe me.)

I've been in group therapy where some members of the group never came to that realization. They believed (perhaps still do) that everyone else is mean to them, resentful and jealous of them, and bitter towards them. All about other people's faults and not so much about their own.

Perhaps it's true that others were resentful, jealous and bitter (or maybe that's just how I felt about them). But that doesn't mean that they weren't assholes hell-bent on succumbing to their urges and blaming other people for it. Like most of us.

Paranoia

paranoia (noun) : 1. a mental disorder characterized by any of several types of delusions in which one basically acts like an idiot believing either that one is a superhero instead of an ordinary person, or that one is dying of cancer instead of suffering from a cold; 2. a healthy understanding of the world
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Why try to solve this when all that will happen is that you'll begin to see the sense in what the paranoid is saying?

As a recent television show tagline says, "Not all conspiracies are theories."

Anyone who has experienced the fears of a hypochondriac or mysophobe begins to question whether life before exposure to that person represented simple blissful ignorance or blatant stupid ignorance. (Note that the paranoid always will tell you it was the latter.)

Acting Out

acting out (verb) : the process of expressing unconscious emotional conflicts or feelings through aggressive, violent or disruptive behavior that is especially effective when done in public in front of one's parents or directed towards one's therapist
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My readers tell me that I sound bitter in this blog.

I suppose that's true. Bitter towards my parents. All parents, really. You shouldn't procreate until you understand that you will make mistakes and your children will suffer for those mistakes and require some sort of therapy.

Bitter towards my therapist for all the work and the cost. But you can't become a therapist and not expect that. (It's called transference for those of you who live unexamined lives - a topic for a future entry.)

Some psychologists believe that bitterness should be considered a mental disorder, but isn't that like those oil company owners (that's you David Koch) creating and funding non-profit think tanks that fight the concept of global warming? Suspicious at best.

See: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/side-effects/200905/bitterness-the-next-mental-disorder

Ambivalence - No!

ambivalence (verb) : 2. the state of being washy
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Perhaps a healthy level of ambivalence IS needed to simply get through life.

After all, we make decisions based on the information available. If the information somehow is flawed or if we aren't getting all the information because the government is plotting to prevent us from getting all the information through total control of the media, then it makes perfect sense to waiver or feel ambivalent about something, right?

Or maybe I'm thinking of a healthy level of paranoia.

Ambivalence - Yes!

ambivalence (verb) : 1. the state of being wishy
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What would we do without Wikipedia? How else would we learn words like, "analysand" (which means the person in analysis, although analysociopath might work better in some cases).

And where else would you find the definition of something actually embracing the thing being defined? On one hand, the wiki clearly defines ambivalence as being two conflicting and contradictory emotions to the same thing (like Hansel and Gretel loving and hating their weak, pathetic father); while on the other hand, it states that the mixed feelings may simply be a realistic assessment of the imperfect nature of the thing (ie, their father is indeed weak and pathetic and appropriately loved and hated).

Nothing ambivalent about that!

Reparenting - part 2

reparenting (verb) : 2. the act of telling one's parents that they sucked
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Apparently the need for reparenting isn’t new. Look at the fairy tales – Cinderella (her father remarries horrible woman who later mistreats his daughter and he doesn't notice), Hansel & Gretel (their father abandons them in the woods at direction of their mother), Rapunzel (her parents give her up to the witch next door out of fear) – all those kids had rough childhoods and were in need of reparenting.

But they don't ever get that, do they? They may seem to get the 'happily ever after' at the end of the story, but we don't know what happens after that. Do you think Cinderella spent much time after her wedding being nice to her mean stepmother? How long do you think that Hansel and Gretel went before they began to resent their father for what he did and that they gave him all their riches when they escaped and made their way home? Ever wonder whether Rapunzel searched for her birth parents? We don't get hear the end of those stories.

There are many proponents of reparenting but it does make you wonder whether it really works. I'm not sure why Lance Armstrong has embraced this, but I see that his website promotes reparenting as well as a 'Self Esteem Seekers Anonymous Program Manual.'

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14706-re-parenting/

Since I had incorrectly assumed that self-help books had cornered the self esteem market, look for my 'Reparenting Through Fairy Tales Self Help Manual' next summer! I'm hoping it will help defray the costs of my therapy over these past ten years.

Reparenting - part 1

reparenting (verb) : 1. the act of rewriting one's own history and experiencing different mistakes than those one's parents made (see also, "Family of Choice")
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I don’t know anyone who had a happy childhood.

Those people that talk about the wide open spaces and the freedom to roam and play unsupervised when they were growing up neglect to mention that their father never showed up for their soccer games or that their mother got drunk in the middle of the day (not that there's anything wrong with that, except when she packs you and your cousins into a car and drives down a highway going the wrong way).

see - http://celebrifi.com/gossip/Diane-Schuler-Photo-Taconic-Crash-Drunk-Mom-710989.html

(For those of you wondering, 'denial' will be another blog entry.)

Even parents now raising their children don't seem to notice that they are contributing to unhappy childhoods. When those kids can't go out and play without a formal 'play date' or go anywhere without turning on the GPS on their mobile telephones for parental tracking, the modern parent simply chalks it up to the times in which we live. No wonder therapists thrive.

I'm not sure that there is such a thing as a happy childhood. Perhaps all children need reparenting when they become adults, much in the way that Eric Schmidt of Google says they need new names and identities upon adulthood - each of us recreating ourselves when we turn 25. (BTW, since when did 25 become the new age for reaching adulthood?).

Maybe this would eliminate the need for therapy since this time around, we would be breastfed, born first, and not named after a piece of fruit.

Shrinking away in NYC

psychoanalysis (noun) : confession without absolution
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As with any story, it opens with a random beginning. A dark and stormy night. A woman walking or sitting on a train or a bus, alone, not noticing or not caring about her surroundings. A look on her face like she wants to flee. Maybe a tear, a shudder or some other pained expression. Etc.

And so starts therapy.

The problem with starting therapy - the desperation surrounding the admission that things are not all right, the hopelessness with the situation at hand (usually life itself), the anger and frustration stemming from all the wrongs done by others against you as well as all those decisions made by you, the excessive drinking or drugging or other obliterating habit - is that you never think about the ending of therapy. Like any relationship, you don't think it will end. It's all about how it's going to work.

My ten-year anniversary with psychoanalysis is upon me and I realize that my therapist’s first child has begun and finished college (with a year abroad, mind you) during my tenure with him. The fact that I partially funded this is not lost on me, especially since I had to maximize student loans to fund my own education. Each year, I plan to end therapy and each year, I seem to listen to my therapist and stay with it for yet another issue to resolve. This year I have a child of my own to think about who will need money to spend abroad. (In therapy-speak, that would be my inner child. Alexander, move over - Australia, here I come!)

Therapy, or psychoanalysis or talk therapy as it's known, is supposed to teach you how to handle life/people/issues/emotions, in a more productive way. When does anyone reach a point where that handling goes well 100% of the time? Even therapists don't - it's not human! But the therapists won't say what percentage on average is good enough to end therapy because that means they don't do their jobs better than that percentage. In the end, that means that if the percentage or the feeling behind the percentage is good enough for you, then you're done.

And since I have gotten over 50% of my life/people/issues/emotions more productively handled after my decade “on the couch,” it's time to take my money and run. This blog represents my years with Dr. Freud's theories - I’m not sure it’s for everyone and I’m not sure it works, but I am sure that I’m not funding my therapist’s second child’s college education.